


To Love is To Kill

by VividReverie



Category: PRISTIN (Band), SEVENTEEN (Band), 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: Blood and Gore, Blood and Violence, Character Death, Death, Drama, Drama & Romance, Emotional Manipulation, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, F/M, Falling In Love, Fear, Fluff, Friendship, Gore, Killing, Love, Love at First Sight, Murder, Murder Mystery, My First Fanfic, My First Work in This Fandom, Mystery, POV Alternating, POV First Person, POV Multiple, POV Third Person, Plot Twists, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Horror, Psychological Trauma, Psychological Warfare, Rape, Reader-Insert, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Serial Killers, Torture, Tragic Romance, Unrequited Love, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-11
Updated: 2018-09-24
Packaged: 2019-06-17 14:30:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 7
Words: 8,851
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15463461
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VividReverie/pseuds/VividReverie
Summary: [Updates twice a week]I was never the main character of my own life story. I am a deuteragonist where there is always someone stepping up to take the spotlight away from me. Even when I started liking someone who is loved by the spotlight, a person who resembles the sunshine, I’m not the protagonist, I'm not the leading lady of the hero; I became an antagonist of my own story. A villainess who will do everything to get what she want, even if that would mean to kill someone.I guess, that's what bleeding in love really meant.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I will update every week with two chapters. If I won't be able to comply to this, the following week will have three to four updates. If I won't be able to accomplish that as well, then I apologize for being busy or maybe just lazy. Thank you.  
> I hope that you like gore because this one will be kinda bloody.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You found yourself in love but you found out that he's got a girlfriend and so you found yourself thinking how to get rid of her.

 

 

 

<+>

 

 

When my friend asked me if I wanted to join the club he belonged to— the _music club_ , I gave it a second a thought. I always get embarrassed and anxious whenever I have the main attention of everybody and I never had the confidence to bring out my talents and the best of me. Although I’m pretty sure of myself that I can play a few instruments, sing, act, and draw quite well. But I gave a second thought of joining the club because just like how dumb moths are attracted to light, I am attracted to— _him._

 

I thought I wasn’t a teenager going through puberty but I am. Just like a teenager, I fell in love. He is light himself, and I instantly fell in love with his light and warmth. His bright smile, his beautiful voice and his charismatic presence; I was caught and all I wanted was to be a prisoner and never break free from my own jail.

 

 _Seungkwan—_ it’s a name that I could easily remember. If I could remember Mozart’s piano concerto no. 21 in C major Elvira Madigan, then his name is much easier to recall and to pronounce. In addition to that, his singing voice is something that I can never forget and it was probably the main reason why I fell in love with him. I’m not pretty sure what to call this, love at first listen? love at first hearing? But whatever it is, I knew that it was love when I heard his voice and my heart melted.

 

It was the warmest voice that I ever heard and I committed to myself that I should hear it again and let him sing for me. For once in my life, I became ambitious and I wanted to share the spotlight with him.

 

I guess, loving means doing something that you have never done before, but you strive to change and do it for the person that you hope to be with. If love isn’t the willingness to fight for what you hope for, then what is?

 

 

<+> 

 

 

I stopped walking as Joshua kept talking about the new season of this anime he was watching so I had to call his attention, “Hey, Joshua... that music club you asked me to join, how about I accept your offer of me joining the club?”

 

He immediately turned to me and was very surprised, “Wait—what?! Really? But you never —are you serious now?”

 

“I AM. Do I need to fill up some kind of paper?“

 

“No. Not yet. We make sure that you experience first what really is our club like before formally letting you join. Are you good to go now because I’m sure they’re _all_ present there.” For some reason, the word ‘all’ filled my mind because that generally means that Seungkwan is also there.

 

I nodded and we both went to the music club room. But before we could even enter, I heard people singing and a lot of instruments were being played, it was loud, yet it wasn’t noise that I was hearing but _music._ What do I expect from a music club anyway? 

Joshua swung the door wide open and we let ourselves in, he was greeted by his clubmates or friends as I scan the room for Seungkwan, BUT he was nowhere to be found. Now the word ‘all’ disappointed me but I still hoped that he’d be here soon. I guess that was a part of falling in love. You'll miss him because you're madly in love with him. 

 

Joshua placed his arm on my left shoulder and called everyone’s attention, “So she’s Y/N, and she is planning to join our club. Let’s give her a warm welcome and let us all introduce ourselves to her.”

 

The boys lined up starting off with the club president named Seungcheol, he was very jolly and he acts cutely like a kid so I was surprised when he said that he’s the oldest member. Jeonghan came after, it was still hard to believe that he is as beautiful as an angel, yet, handsome at the same time. Two who were born in China introduced themselves, one is named Jun and the other is named Minghao. Soonyoung and Seokmin who are very bright and bubbly introduced themselves as the funny ones and together with Seungkwan, they make up the gag trio. Wonwoo who is tall and handsome is actually very quite, but I feel we have similarities when it comes for being a quite person. Jihoon, whom they said is the best musician in the club for his amazing talent in composing songs and for his good voice. Jihoon is actually very cute and adorable but he doesn't seem to be the type of person who wanted to act adorably and to be called as one. Later on, Mingyu, Hansol and Chan introduced themselves to me.

 

“What is your musical talent, Y/N?” that was the first question that they threw at me and Seungcheol asked it. All of them awaited my answer and I felt nervous again knowing that I have their attention. I perfectly knew that I have to be more confident starting at this point. 

 

“Well, uhm, I can play various instruments and I can sing—“ before I could finish my sentence, the door swung open and Seungkwan entered. I was almost glad to see him, almost because he came together with a girl.

 

“Listen up everybody! Someone here together with me is willing to join the club.” he announced and he glanced at her to give her the cue that she should start introducing herself.

 

“Hello everyone! I’m Jung Eunwoo, it’s nice to meet all of you.” she said in a high pitched tone then she humbly bowed before us.

 

 _She’s cute_. That was probably what everyone thought when she introduced herself. For some reason, me wanting to join the club is old news. We are the exact opposite of the same coin. She's an angel and I _was_ an angel. We all clapped when she introduced herself, this time, the boys lined themselves up with enthusiasm to greet her and to get to know her better.

 

Unexpectedly, Mingyu lightly bumped my shoulder so I looked up to him because he seemed to have something to say to me.

 

“Make sure you join. If you’re thinking Eunwoo might already be here and she is more than enough, that’s not true. We might actually need someone like you in the group.” Mingyu’s sudden warm and sweet words took me by surprise. I thought that he isn’t the type of person to say such things. But since I’m joining the club nonetheless, his words didn’t flattered me at all.

 

This time I bumped him with my shoulder but a little stronger than his, “I’m staying no matter what you say. But thank you anyway, Mingyu sunbae-nim.” He seemed to be more than pleased when I called him as my sunbae, I guess he really liked to be called as sunbae-nim.

 

Chan’s question to Eunwoo caught everyone’s attention and specially mine’s, “So Seungkwan invited you? Are you two just friends or... is there something special?” Eunwoo blushed and kept silent as Seungkwan was fidgeting around and was very nervous. It also really irked me to see when Seungkwan's face became as bright red as Eunwoo's.

 

We knew what was going on, of course, we aren’t slow, dumb and numb. But it was still very hard to process into my system that there’s already a hindrance that I have to deal with.

 

“You two are going out?! Since when?! Oh my god! This calls for a celebration! You finally did it Seungkwan!” Seokmin shouted and he harshly patted Seungkwan’s back.

 

"Yes, since last week." Seungkwan answered. 

 

 

I couldn’t help but to pull a fake smile and to force myself into clapping happily for the couple. But that’s when I also knew in my heart, that something small and dark inside of me that I hid for a long time is finally growing into a _monster._

 

 

<+>

 


	2. RED RUM

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> He asked me what was the reason why I was good at bowling  
> So I answered  
> "I just imagine the bowling ball as the head of the person that I hate."

 

 

<+> 

 

“Oh yeah, the girl who also joined our club yesterday, what was her name again? She looked really familiar.” Seungkwan asked Joshua who invited Y/N to join the club.

 

“Y/N, she’s my friend ever since she started attending our church. She’s kind but she’s very quiet and shy. However, she’s very talented and that’s all I know, I haven’t seen her play an instrument or sing a verse.”

 

“Then how about we let her overcome her stage fright and let’s see what she got.” Jeonghan suggested and everyone agreed.

 

That was the time that Y/N hesitated to open the door to the music club room for she heard everything that they’re planning to let her do. But she also knew that she’ll have to show them her talents and skills either way but she still thought that it would be better if she’d do it along with her plans lately.

 

“Oh hi, Y/N right?” Eunwoo greeted her with a bright smile. Y/N said _‘oh, perfect timing’_   in her mind and she smiled to Eunwoo saying, “Yes, you know what? We girls should overpower those guys and let’s show them what we’ve got. I’m glad that you’re also a part of the club, let’s get along shall we?”

 

“Yes! Of course, you don’t seem to be hard to approach after all.” Eunwoo’s response gave her the assurance that she is actually pretty talented in acting and putting up a facade. Y/N doesn’t have a clear plan yet as she play as the villain but her first step is clear, she must **‘keep her enemy close’**. Close enough to befriend her, to know her more and close enough to slit her throat.

 

They both entered the room and the boys brightened up when they saw them, they asked Eunwoo first to show her talents and they were amazed that she is not only a good singer but is also a good dancer.

 

Y/N finds it very attractive when people sing as they play the piano so she chose to play the keyboard and she sang ‘Habit’ by Seventeen. They were all awestruck by her soft touch in playing the piano and they were spellbound by her mellow singing voice. After finishing her performance, they paused for a moment as they were still immersed in her song.

 

It was only when Joshua said, “I like the ‘haha hoho’ part of the song” that they were able to break out the silence and praise Y/N for her great talent.

 

“Why were you hiding all this time?” Seungkwan asked.

 

Y/N made sure that her voice was audible and clear and that her eyes were set on Seungkwan, “I was and yet _you_ found me.” Before the moment could even turn awkward, she continued “ _This club_ found me so thank you for letting me join your club.”

 

“There’s no need to thank us, but we thank you instead for joining us.” Jihoon said and Y/N thought that she should pass on the attention to another person and the perfect catch is Jihoon.

 

“So I heard you were really good at singing as well. If you are really grateful to me, how about you sing us at least one song?” Jihoon was left without a choice because of Y/N’s suggestion and he showed everyone how amazingly talented he is.

 

 

<+> 

 

 

After hearing from Eunwoo herself during their small chat in the music club earlier, Y/N learned that Eunwoo is part of the pep squad of their school. Eunwoo mentioned that they will have a dance practice later on at their dismissal so Y/N decided to check her out and her friends at the gymnasium.

 

It was part of Y/N’s plan to gather information about Eunwoo and to know her schedule. She had to do it little by little and step by step so that she could assure that her friendship with Eunwoo will gain a firm trust from Eunwoo herself and from her friends. It was actually making her sad that this will take longer than she expected it to be, but to remain free and clean from any suspicions, she had the need to make Eunwoo her best friend. A best friend who will cry loudest at her funeral.

 

 _‘I’ll definitely be her BEAST FRIEND’_ she thought.

 

Y/N stopped in her tracks when she finally arrived at the gym where the pep squad are practicing their cheer and dance. Eunwoo was there too and Y/N watched her carefully.

 

 

“Isn’t she the girlfriend material? Eunwoo, I mean.” the familiar voice of the man who spoke made Y/N turn to him in curiosity.

 

“Aren’t you Seungkwan’s friend, Hansol? Why are you checking out your friend’s girlfriend?”

 

Hansol shook his head sideways in disagreement, “You got it wrong. I was actually checking you out, I followed you here and I ended up watching Eunwoo because you are doing the same thing.”

 

“What you said just now was creepier. I don’t need a stalker. Get lost.” Y/N rolled her eyes at Hansol which made him chuckle.

 

“You know what? You are surprisingly cold. I thought you were like an angel like Eunwoo.” Y/N wasn’t trying to be kind in the first place, but of course, first impressions are always last so she had to put up a saint image. 

 

“If I gave you that impression, then I’m sorry to disappoint you, Mr. Stalker. But well you see, I’m having problems here, I want to be Eunwoo’s friend. I guess you were right after all, I want to be an angel and befriend Eunwoo because she’s one.” she really didn’t need the help or advice of Hansol but since she have to keep her real identity in secret and have to show false weaknesses, she had to say such words.

 

“You already are. You already are an angel and her friend. Tell her what you see right now, compliment her and sooner or later, you’ll be surprised that the two of you are closer than you think.” Y/N nudged Hansol’s arm gently with her fist.

 

“Thanks.”

 

“Oh! You better come tomorrow, I hope you’re free since it’s a Saturday. We’re going to the bowling alley. It was actually just Seungkwan and Eunwoo but we told them that we won’t let him off with a date without us. He’s the only one with a girlfriend and it’s just so unfair.” Y/N laughed from what Hansol said, not because it was funny but because those two won’t be having an intimate time alone and not for any longer time soon.

 

“I’ll take note of that. I’ll go. ” after saying her words, she approached Eunwoo who just finished their rehearsal.

 

“I can’t believe it. You were really amazing there, Eunwoo. I saw you last time acting so cutely and now you are very fierce when you were cheer leading.” Y/N's compliment made Eunwoo blush.

 

“Thanks, Y/N. I never thought that you’d really watch me when I told you that I am a part of the pep squad.”

 

“Well.... I’m thinking that I should go and support my new friend? If you really think that I am one.” A fly can fly high, but when it was caught in a spider’s web, there’ll be no escape.

 

“Of course you are! Come on, I’ll introduce you to the rest of the squad.” Y/N can't help but smile when Eunwoo was probably thinking that they could be real friends. But in fact, no one will befriend the monster under their beds. 

 

 

<+> 

 

 

The bowling alley was almost empty but when our group came, it became more colorful. For some reason, the place wasn’t as boring as it looked.

 

“Mingyu and Seungkwan will definitely be the main highlight of today’s game play again.” Seokmin said and it caught my attention. Come to think of it, Seungkwan wouldn’t invite Eunwoo for a date in a bowling alley if he’s not good at it. AND he wouldn’t invite Eunwoo is he knew that she can play better than him, he probably invited her with the thought of teaching her.

 

I was surprised when Joshua patted my back but it wasn’t enough to make me scream, “Hey, don’t be lost in your thoughts. You know how to play bowling?”

 

I hummed, “Hmm mm... I believe so.”

 

I sat down first and watched Seungkwan and Eunwoo being sweet with each other. Seungkwan held her hand as they practice how to throw the bowling ball and he taught her how her position should be when throwing the ball.

 

“You’re not going to play? Or try?” Soonyoung asked as he offered the bowling ball to me. I stood and grabbed the bowling ball, “I will... thanks.”

 

After stretching my arms, I exhaled sharply and focused my eyes on the pins. I gently threw the bowling ball and I managed to get a strike. They all exclaimed and praised me for it. They even got more rowdy and loud when I got another strike for the fifth time.

 

Mingyu moved closer to me to ask, “Woah, how did you do that?”

 

“Oh? I just imagine the bowling ball as the head of the person that I hate.” I immediately said “I’m just kidding.” when he went silent for a moment.

 

“Don’t say that with a straight face. I almost believed you.”

 

I chuckled. But that’s what I really have in mind, I can see Eunwoo’s head rolling towards the pins to make a perfect strike. I guess that made bowling even more entertaining but at the same time, relaxing to play. I suddenly thought of a nice way to murder her and it was bowling that gave me such a nice idea. 

 

I stretched out the bowling ball towards Mingyu, “How about you try it? Maybe imagining that it was the head of the professor who gave you an F will relieve some stress.”

 

“That sounds fun but I will pass.” he said and I scoffed in disappointment. I rolled my eyes and after looking in a different direction, I saw Seungkwan and Eunwoo in front of the vending machine.

 

I glanced back at Mingyu, “I’ll grab some drink, do you like anything? I’ll get it for you.”

 

“Iced coffee.” he said and I nodded. I walked in an andante pace as I approach Seungkwan and Eunwoo who are facing the vending machine.

 

Eunwoo was holding Seungkwan hands, “Like I said, you should’ve put on the tape”

 

“This is normal for bowlers but-- ow ow owww, d-don’t press it.” my heart ached when I saw Seungkwan’s face twisting in pain.

 

After observing his hands behind their backs, I said “I think it was dislocated.” They were both surprised when I suddenly spoke.

 

“I’m really fine.” I gently took his hand to examine his dislocated index finger and I flicked it with my fingers. Seungkwan shouted in pain and I chuckled

 

“And you said you were fine. Stop acting tough in front of Eunwoo. But no worries, it was actually in a better condition when you can still pain, it’s far more dangerous when your finger feels numb. You should go to the hospital but we need to do some first aid treatments first. Don’t move it.” I let go of his hands and bought an iced coffee from the vending machine. I wrapped the can first with my handkerchief before handing it over to Eunwoo.

 

“Miss Girlfriend, could you perhaps do the honour of keeping this cold drink placed in his finger to keep it cold? It would help reduce the swelling of his index finger. I’ll go grab some tape.” She took the can and I went to grab the tape from my bag but before I could go back to Seungkwan and Eunwoo, Mingyu said,

 

“Hey, where’s my iced coffee?”

 

“It’s...” I glanced at the can of iced coffee wrapped in my handkerchief that Eunwoo was holding and glanced back at Mingyu, “It’s waiting inside the vending machine, I’ll go get it.” I ran back to the two and wrapped Seungkwan’s index and middle together with a tape to keep it immobile. “We should head to the hospital to have it treated." 

 

And so, we called the others to accompany us in going to the nearest hospital.

 

 

<+>

 


	3. Rain (part 1)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I realized that monsters are not found under your bed but they are living inside you... or you have them as a brother.

 

<+>

 

It was already dark out when we left the bowling alley. We walked to the nearest hospital ro bring Seungkwan there.

 

The breeze was cold, the wind felt sharp when it touched my bare skin. Nonetheless, we stayed outside the building since the hospital would seem so packed with all the fifteen of us inside. Only Seuncheol, Seungkwan and Eunwoo who went inside to treat Seungkwan's dislocated index finger.

 

Mingyu took off his jacket and offered it to me but I shook my head sideways turning down his offer. "Wear it, because I'm starting to wonder where my iced coffee is." I don't see any connection from what he said but I felt guilty for being oblivious of his drink. It was me who made the offer after all.

 

I pursed my lips before saying, “Sorry, it was probably warm by now. Maybe a warmer coffee will do since its cold anyway?”

 

I saw Mingyu smiled but he immediately turned away. I wonder why there’s a need to hide it.

 

 

“Good. And I know you used the drink for Seungkwan’s finger so it’s fine. There’s a cafe just around the corner of the hospital, let’s just head there later once they’re back.”

 

“Sure and—“

 

“It would be fine if I tag along right?” I was irked when someone cut me off but when I turned behind me, it was Wonwoo. He seemed to be someone that I shouldn’t mess with and he actually looked like he just wanted to have some coffee so I casted aside my annoyance.

 

“Sure.” A few minutes later, Seungkwan and the other two came out and we head to the cafe before talking about what the doctor said about Seungkwan’s condition.

 

After a sip from our coffees, Seungkwan decided to pass onto us what the doctor said, “It wasn’t in a bad state and the doctor said that the first aid medication was the main reason why it will heal quickly. Probably in a week, so no worries. And..” Seungkwan turned to me, “Y/N, thank you very much.”

 

I felt my heart and my cheeks getting warmer just like the coffee that I’m having, “It’s not a big deal but you’re welcome.”

 

“How did you do that tho? You are very experienced.” I felt that I have the need to elaborate my answer to Seungcheol’s question but I have to be careful as much as possible. It’d be bad to reveal something that they shouldn’t know right?

 

“I have to be independent since I live alone. I’m an orphan and my brother is in America. I’ve been living alone for three years so I had to take care of myself well and be knowledgeable enough for such incidents.”

 

“You have a brother?” Joshua and Seungcheol asked at the same time.

 

Now that reminds me... fuck. I completely forgot that it was Saturday. I always have to talk to my brother every 7pm on Saturdays. He is very strict with time, no, actually he is strict about anything concerning me. I checked my wristwatch and it is 6 fucking 45 pm, it takes 30 minutes to get home.

 

I exhaled sharply and stood, “Sorry but I have to go, there’s something important that I must do so see you all on Monday. Bye.” I slightly bowed and before I went off Seokmin called out to me.

 

“Y/N! Don’t look so tensed. Smile.” he said and he showed me a big smile. I can’t help but smile back at him and then I leave in a rush.

 

 

It’s 6:15pm, I made my brother wait for 15 minutes and I’m screwed. I opened my laptop and turned on Skype and  I immediately called my brother.

 

 

“You’re late, Y/N.” that was the first thing that he said and it’s not good. He doesn’t look like he’s in a good mood either.

 

“Sorry...  **Namjoon.**  Our church activity didn’t end on time.” I can’t help but to cast down my gaze, it was as if that he’s looking deep into my soul. We’re a million miles apart right now but it feels like I was facing him in person.

 

“This is why I told you to stop attending that church. Yes, it’s good to have churchmates as a facade but I disapprove that they keep you there for a long time and I disapprove you for having that kind of friends. They’ll stab you at the back just like what they did to Jesus. I don’t have all the time in the world and I don’t want to waste it for preaching you. How’re you doing?”

 

It was cold but my sweat was dripping, “Better... I joined the music club.”

 

He slightly opened his mouth and I clenched my teeth, “...that’s normal.” I heaved a sigh when I heard his answer. I thought that he’d disapprove of it. “But don’t get too distracted, Y/N. You can’t trust those people either. Remember, the only ones that you can trust are yourself and me.”

 

“Yes, Namjoon.”

 

“We have to do something important so I’m hanging up. Be on time next Saturday.” he immediately shut the call down and I was finally able to breathe.

 

I have the scariest brother alive. If I’m insane, he is the definition of insanity itself. I realized that monsters are not found under your bed but they are living inside you... or you have them as a brother.

 

 

<+>

 

 

It was a sunny Thursday, a perfect day to appreciate Eunwoo’s brightness, I was eating lunch together with Eunwoo and the rest of the pep squad. For the three weekdays that have passed, I made sure to keep close with Eunwoo, in just a small amount of time, we became best friends. Well, she’s funny and not boring to hang out with so it wasn’t that hard to stick up with her.

 

 

“You really don’t dance, Y/N? It would be nice to have you as part of the team.” Roa said and Rena placed her arm around Roa’s shoulders. These two are really close with each other.

 

“You sing well right?” Rena asked and I nod in response. “Then join us, we still have three days before the school event.”

 

“Are you an idiot? Y/N will have a hard time and the formation will be messed up if we add another person. Y/N have her best role for our team, she’s our number one supporter.” Roa said.

 

“And she cook lunch for the whole team. Why do you do so much for us though?” Eunwoo asked and I smiled at her and I said, “Because... isn’t that what friends are for?” It’s a good thing I learned those kinds of words from attending church. It actually sounds absurd but it works pretty well.   

 

“Oh my god, Y/N, you’re so sweet.” Eunwoo hugged me and I pinched her cheeks.

 

 

It will be three days before the school event. But that’s too bad, it seems like the school won’t be celebrating an event, they might end up celebrating a funeral.

 

 

<+>

 

The day started as sunny but it was raining right now.

 

 

I opened my umbrella and the heavy rain made the campus almost deserted. I walked slowly and as I do, I saw Seokmin sitting in a bench, he is drenched in the rain but he’s not moving an inch. I walked past him but somehow, my feet stopped and I went back to him.

 

He was always smiling. Seokmin is a very bright person. He is always happy and he always made everyone laugh. But who is this Seokmin in front of me? Why is he... more sullen than the sky?

 

 

“...Seokmin. What happened?” He didn’t respond or moved, it was almost as if, he is a doll... lifeless and emotionless. I placed my hand at his cheek, “Hey... Seokmin. How do you expect for anyone else to smile if you’re like this? Get a hold of yourself.”

 

 

But still, all I heard was the sound of the rain and the deafening thunder, “If you want to cry, I’m here. I’ll cry with you and listen to you. I’m here, Seokmin.”  I don’t know what’s

happening to me, but I can’t just leave him like this... that’s what I’m certain of.

 

 

“Y/N... why? Why is it not me?” He burst out crying and I wrapped him in my embrace, “Why am I always deprived of what I always wanted?” I felt a sharp pain in my heart for I always felt the same way in my entire life.

 

“I always fail at everything! In my grades! My dreams! I was never chosen! I-I’m---“

 

 

“Smile.” he suddenly stopped crying and he looked at me straight in the eye, “Smile. Isn’t that what you told me before? You can probably overcome all of this with a smile. So stop crying, you have me, I’ll help you.”

 

 

In that rainy afternoon, Seokmin opened up his burdens to me, I listened to all of it and I promised to help him. I never thought that I’d regret it. I never knew that I would regret one day, of that decision of mine to be closer to him.  

 

 


	4. Decapitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In order to love and to be loved, to kill any hindrances is the one and only option.

 

 

 

Friday

**8:30am**

 

I thought the campus will be lively in preparation for the upcoming school event. But what lies ahead was the exact opposite. Because of the heavy rain that was still ongoing since yesterday, people are staying inside the buildings.

 

But everything is going well according to my plans, with this rain it would be easier to cover up a crime.

 

 

“Hey, Y/N!“ Just when I thought that the sun was hiding behind the gray clouds, it was actually here after all.

 

 

“You seem to be feeling a lot better, Seokmin.” he was crying yesterday but now, he can finally smile fully.

 

 

“Yeah, thank you. Should we head to the library together?”

 

 

I nodded in response, “Yeah, I’m going to teach you anyway. If you fail another subject after I taught you, I will castrate you.”

 

 

He turned pale and it seriously made me laugh, “Come on, let’s go, I was kidding.”

 

 

 

**5:00pm**

 

My last class just finished and I went to the gymnasium right away. The pep squad’s voice filled the gym and they’re giving their all in the practice.

 

 

They took a break and I handed a bottle of water to Eunwoo, “You did well, Eunwoo. I’m so proud of my best friend.” this will be the last time that I will call her that though.

 

“Thank you, Y/N. I’m excited for our soon-to-be performance, cheer us on okay?” Sadly... there won’t be a soon-to-be performance.

 

 

I should keep them away from Eunwoo. “Of course I will. You girls should eat first to have some energy.”

 

 

“We will just prepare some materials then we’re done here, we will go home soon.” Nayoung said.

 

 

Wow. That’s perfect. “Then Eunwoo and I will gather the stuff needed in the storage room, you girls go ahead to the auditorium.”

 

 

“Oh, thanks a lot, Y/N” Eunwoo said and the others left us at the gym.

 

 

“Nunu,” I called her by her nickname, “You went first to the storage room, I’ll just take a quick pee, okay?”

 

 

“Alright.”

 

Yes. Alright. I’ll prepare your coffin for you, darling.

 

 

 

 

<+>

 

 

The loud rain and thunder filled the silent small storage room. Eunwoo climbed the ladder to grab the box but without anyone supporting the ladder and without enough light in the room due to the brownout, she fell down and sprained her ankle. She screamed and cried out in pain, she tried to go out of the room but she couldn’t move both of her ankles.

 

Y/N was humming the Jack and Jill nursery rhyme song as she drag the big hatchet across the gym into the gym’s storage room. She slowly opened the room and she saw Eunwoo helplessly crying.

 

 

“Eunwoo, what happened? Are you alright?” Y/N faked a worried expression and voice.

 

 

“N-no, I think I sprained my ankle... b-but why are you holding an axe?”

 

 

Y/N expression changed from a worried one to a blank one, “If your ankles hurt, should we remove them so it won’t hurt anymore?”

 

 

Eunwoo slowly slid herself backwards to keep a distance from Y/N, “W-what do you mean?”

 

 

“Do you know the story behind the song Jack and Jill? It was actually the story of King Louis XVI who was beheaded by guillotine and his Queen Marie Antoinette was decapitated later on too. Do you understand it now?”

 

 

“Y-you’re crazy!!!”

 

 

“HAHAHAHA! I prefer being called MADLY in love. This wouldn’t have happened if you stayed away from him...” Y/N raised the hatchet and Eunwoo screamed and crawled to escape.

 

 

The Y/N started singing...

 

 

 

_“Jack and Jill went up a hill to fetch a pale of water_

_Jack fell down_

_and broke his crown_

_And Jill’s head come tumbling down after.”_

 

 

Y/N went straight for Eunwoo’s neck and the lovely sight of Eunwoo’s head separated from her body pleased Y/N. She heard that something fell and she saw a blonde headed girl running away.

 

“Hm... Rena huh? Things just got more interesting... I will clean this up first.”

 

 

 

 

<+>

 

 

 

Monday

 

**8:30am**

 

All of the students were busy preparing for the event, meanwhile, the pep squad are changing their clothes in the locker room.

 

 

“Have you girls seen Rena or Eunwoo. It’s unusual for those two to be late.” Nayoung asked.

 

“I bumped with Y/N earlier, she’s worried about Eunwoo since Eunwoo’s not replying to her texts or calls since Friday. And—oh, Rena...?” Roa was surprised by Rena’s unusual expression and face.

 

“Are you alright? When was the last time that you slept?” Kyulkyung asked because Rena’s eyebags were too big and her eyes were red, her hair’s messy too.

 

Rena went straight to her locker and he dropped to her knees while screaming as soon as she opened it.

 

 

Their hearts dropped when they saw Eunwoo’s head inside Rena’s locker.

 

 

“W-who... did this?” Nayoung said but her question was left unanswered.  

 

 

 


	5. Ambiguity

CHAPTER 5

 

 

<+>

 

 

I feel sorry that the school’s tradition will change from now on, but I couldn’t care less. It was a day of mourning. My eyes are almost empty from tears and I already used up all of my tissue packs. Everyone was supposed to be at school, but we are here instead, visiting Eunwoo’s wake.

 

 

“Y/N, stop crying. You will get exhausted.” Nayoung handed me a new pack of tissues.

 

 

I heaved a sharp sigh, “I lost my best friend. My grief cannot be eased in an hour, a day or a lifetime.”

 

I heard Nayoung say something in return, but I didn’t mind it when I saw Seungkwan sitting along in the bench isolated from everyone. I just nodded to Nayoung in agreement of whatever she said and I sat a few inches away from Seungkwan.

 

 

 

I scanned his face, he was stupefied. I guess there was a reason why everyone kept their distance away from him right now, to give him some space. But right now, it is the perfect time to fill up that space. The space that Eunwoo left, I’ll make sure to fill that up for Seungkwan.

 

“Eunwoo, she...” my voice tremble and I cleared my throat, “She... taught me how to smile. I was stiff, shy and ambiguous of everything. But she...” my tears fell at ease, it flowed as if it was my first time crying. He didn’t say anything in response, instead, he was still in a daze. But I’m sure he can hear me clearly.

 

“Seungkwan... you don’t have to hold back those tears. You don’t have to lift the burden alone. Eunwoo was part of your life, but so was mine. She’s also important to me. As Eunwoo’s best friend, I’ll be here to lend a shoulder to cry on. So stop being an idiot. Do you think Eunwoo would like you being like this? Do you think she---“ A strong pull caught me by surprise. Before I even realize it, Seungkwan was crying his heart out as he tightly embraced me.  

 

My heart resented it when he kept saying “I couldn’t do anything for her, I couldn’t do anything for her.” But a part of me feels satisfied. The satisfaction that everything went according to plan, I couldn’t help but to smile a bit but of course, I immediately swallowed the bliss so that no one would notice.

 

In that moment, I cried together with Seungkwan. It was the first thing that we did together. So Eunwoo... I thank you. Thank you for dying willingly in my hands.

 

 

 

 

<+>

 

 

I went to a nearby vending machine and drank some hot coffee.   

 

 

 

 

“You aren’t easy to read.” I turned and I saw Hansol. There he goes again, why does it feel like he’s following me around? It’s creepy.

 

 

 

“Why are you trying to read me anyway? You know, I couldn’t understand myself too given then situation. I wanted to cry, then later on I would be full of anger to whoever did that to Eunwoo.”

 

“Then comfort Seungkwan after? Is that it?” There is a hint of doubt in his tone and his stare at me was sharp. But I wouldn’t fall for any of that. Too bad Hansol, I’m not that easy. I’m the best actress here.

 

I dropped my gaze and felt a little dizziness“Yes. That’s the least that I can do for Eunwoo... as her friend. No, as her best friend. And I--” It was a good thing that I drank coffee rather than water at that time. It was a good thing that I collapsed in Hansol’s arms.

 

 

 

<+>

 

 

 

“...she was dehydrated and she lost consciousness due to palpitation from drinking coffee.” I heard someone say but I didn’t know who it was.

 

I slowly open my eyes, the light burning my eyes. I saw the white ceiling and I knew right away that I’m at a hospital from the smell of antiseptics.

 

 

“Y/N, are you alright?” My sight was a bit blurry but I knew it was Seungkwan’s voice. It took a few seconds before my sight became clearer. I nodded but a slight headache still lingers.

 

 

I looked behind Seungkwan and saw Hansol. Now that’s the face I saw before I passed out. I have to deal with him later on. Something’s off about him.

 

 

“You should rest for now. You would feel better after a few hours of sleep.” Seungcheol said. Other than Seungkwan, there’s Mingyu, Hansol, Wonwoo and Seungcheol. I didn’t expect everyone to be here anyway since the others are probably staying at Eunwoo’s wake and the hospital’s staff would definitely mind if there are too many people around here.

 

 

I nodded. “Sorry for worrying all of you. You can go back now.”

 

 

 

 

 

“I’ll stay with Y/N.” by the second time, Seungkwan caught me by surprise with his words.

 

 

 

 

“I’m sorry, what?” I couldn’t believe what I just heard.

 

 

“What?” all the others said in unison. They probably couldn’t grasp what Seungkwan suggested either.

 

“Hey Seungkwan, its Eunwoo’s funeral. You should head back.” Hansol said.

 

“Y/N and I... we’re at a time that we shouldn’t be left alone. Y/N is Eunwoo’s best friend. I want to treat her nicely too.” Since Seungkwan insisted, they were left with no choice so Seungkwan stayed with me.

 

 

 

....

 

 

It was actually awkward when they left. I couldn’t say a single thing to Seungkwan.

 

 

A few seconds later my stomach growled and I turned my face in embarrassment. Ahhh this damned stomach, you don’t have any manners at all!

 

“...do you...want something to eat? I’ll buy it for you.”

 

“NO.” I hastily answered but my stomach was louder than my answer. It growled for the second time, much louder than the first. “I mean... actually yes.”

 

He turned away and I heard him chuckle a bit, he cleared his throat and he looked back at me after doing so, “You should eat something. It’s my treat, what food do you like to eat?”

 

It’s been a while since I felt this hungry, this must be the result of crying too much, if it were ever related. “I want... ramyeon, eight pieces of galbi mandu, japchae and a bulgogi rice bowl.”

 

 

Seungkwan’s eyes widened a bit, “...is there anything else?”

 

“I also want tteok-bokki.” Seungkwan nodded and he stood. He was about to leave when I wasn’t able to control myself from calling him.

 

 

 

“SEUNGKWAN!”

 

 

 

He immediately turned, “Yes?”

 

I smiled sweetly at him, “I want some Kimbap too.” He burst out laughing after I said that and I suddenly felt bad. He was probably thinking that I am such a pig for eating too much.

 

 

Look at him laughing like that! His girlfriend just died, I took the roll of tissue from the table beside my bed and threw it at him, “Stop laughing and just buy me food! Get out!”

 

 

“Yes. Yes. Sorry.” He left while laughing.

 

 

 

Seriously, he shouldn’t laugh like that. Her girlfriend just died after all. Her girlfriend was murdered by me after all.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't upload on time AHHHHH :((


	6. His Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She began, yet again, an atrocious plan to dispose of another hindrance.

 

 

 

 

CHAPTER 6

 

 

<+>

 

 

 _‘Today.... I will deal with her.’_   That is what Y/N had in her mind all day after Eunwoo’s three-day wake and funeral. She was tired from the funeral yesterday but knowing that her business about Eunwoo is not finished yet even after her burial, she couldn’t relax a bit. She knew that she had to deal with  _the witness_ soon.

 

 

Y/N thought that Rena was missing her friend Eunwoo and was probably thinking of ways to get rid of her. There’s only one place that she could think of— the gymnasium’s storage room. Since it is where the crime scene took place.

 

 

Y/N discreetly approached the storage room’s door and as soon as she was close, she heard Rena’s voice. “Nunu, I’ll surely get revenge for you. You can count on me.”

 

 

Y/N can’t help but laugh sarcastically, Rena was surprised by her laugh and Y/N opened the door to reveal herself, “You sure are funny Rena. You can count of me? HAHAHAHA! You really think that you can deal with me? You were just a mere pebble to me.”

 

 

Rena can’t stop trembling but she still stood her ground, "I saw everything! With my own two eyes and that is enough proof! You're not getting away with this! You will pay for Eunwoo’s life!"

 

 

"Hush, darling. Rena, if you think that your eyes are enough to prove me wrong, should I gouge them out? Or maybe... should I just cut off your tongue to keep you silent? Then I'll stitch both of your eyelids and lips like the baby doll I once had as a kid." Y/N ran her fingers through Rena’s hair but Rena slapped her hand away.

 

 

"I’ll make you pay for what you did to Eunwoo." Y/N just chuckled and rolled her eyes at Rena.

 

 

"If you make me pay for it, I can't make sure that your beloved Roa will be safe." The reason why Y/N wasn’t afraid of Rena was because she perfectly knew how to deal with her. 

 

"DON'T YOU DARE TOUCH HER!" Rena’s shout echoed inside the gym while Y/N’s expression remain blank although deep inside, she was really laughing.

 

"I won't. But you will. So mind your own business, or else, you'll be a blind witness if I gouge your eyes out. I’ll see you later, Rena.” Y/N left and Rena fell on her knees in defeat.

 

Rena kept mumbling to herself repeatedly, “She’s a monster. She’s a monster. She’s a monster.”

 

 

 

<+>

 

 

 

Mingyu ran after Rena when he saw her in sight. Mingyu kept shouting her name but Rena's mind seemed to be drifting away in space.

 

 

He grabbed her arm and he saw Rena's face of despair. "Hey, get a hold of yourself."

 

 

Mingyu shook Rena's shoulder but her tears suddenly fell. "I can't do a thing."

 

 

"Then do nothing. Don't draw yourself into danger. I saw it too. Everything that you saw." Mingyu was able to finally see a different expression from Rena, her eyes were widened in fear and in shock.

 

 

"W-we should do something!" but rather than agreeing with Rena, Mingyu shook his head sideways.

 

 

"No, doing that will only put you in danger. She is getting rid of any hindrances, if you get in her way, she'll make sure to kill you in the happiest way possible that can satisfy her." Rena slapped Mingyu's hands that were holding onto her shoulders.

 

 

Some people were noticing that some conflict is going on between them, "Why aren't you doing it? You sounded like you're trying to help her get rid of me."

 

 

"It's not that--" Mingyu sighed when he noticed that a lot of people are staring at them and he lowered his voice, "Look, I know she's dangerous. But the simplest thing to do is to let her have her way."

 

 

 

"Why? Are you an idiot?!" The word idiot repeated in Mingyu’s head but he admitted to himself that, yes, he might have really turned into an idiot.

 

 

"Yes I am. I am. **_I am in love with Y/N._** " Rena rolled her eyes in disgust with Mingyu’s statement.

 

 

"You are crazier. The only one who can love a crazy person is someone who is crazy enough to handle that person's craziness."

 

"She's just like me, Rena. She is also in love." Rena was more confused, _'Y/N is in love?'_ but she just couldn't believe what she just heard from Mingyu.

 

 

"--What? What do you--" Mingyu immediately draw himself farther from Rena when he saw Y/N in sight from far away. "I gotta go. Stay out of her business. We can't handle her." Mingyu immediately left as Rena was still standing in wonder.

 

 

 

 

<+>

 

 

 

It wasn’t long before Y/N found Roa eating alone in the cafeteria. Y/N approached Roa with two bottles of orange juice in hand, “Do you want some?”

 

 

“...no, thank you. Rena might need it better than I do.” Roa’s expression was sad but everyone else in the pep squad was actually still mourning over Eunwoo’s death.

 

 

“I’m also worried about Rena. It makes me even sadder that I couldn’t do anything about it. But I thought, maybe you can cheer her up a bit, Roa.” Y/n uncapped one of the bottles and drank a bit. “No one is closer than Rena other than you, you understand her pretty well.”

 

 

Y/n handed the other bottle of orange juice to Roa, “I’m pretty sure you can help her, Roa. Give her this bottle of orange juice, and maybe, just like how bright and warm the color of orange is, she’ll also feel the same through your warmth.”

 

 

Roa took the bottle and heeded Y/N’s advice. She stood and immediately looked for Rena as Y/N followed her discreetly. She was already out of breath when she entered the locker room where she found Rena facing the locker where they saw Eunwoo’s head. Her eyes moistened by the sight of how sad Rena is over Eunwoo’s death, as her tears fall, she embraced Rena.

 

Rena began crying again when she felt Roa’s warm embrace. “Sorry... Roa... I couldn’t do a thing.” she whispered to Roa’s ears.

 

 

“You idiot! How will you be able to do a thing when you are this miserable! Where’s our Rena? Where’s our talented and joyful Rena?” at that moment, it was Roa who was needed by Rena the most.

 

“I’m sorry. I’m still here.”

 

Roa wiped Rena’s tears with her palm, “Drink this first, you need something sweet to overcome the bitterness of life.”

 

 

Rena drank almost half of the orange juice in one go and heaved a sigh after, “I feel more energized, thank you Roa.”

 

 

“No problem. You have me.”

 

 

After Y/N saw that her plan was falling into place she left the locker room with a diabolic smile.


	7. Scream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A taste of sweetness and bitterness, isn't that what should a chocolate supposed to taste? Just like how sweet are her scream and how bitter are her voiceless screams.

 

CHAPTER 7

 

 

<+>

 

 

Rena felt dizzy during her last subject and she decided to drop by the infirmary to take some medication. She thought that it might be because she hasn’t slept much for the past few days and now she’s feeling worst than ever.

 

 

She opened the door to the infirmary but her dizziness intensified but she saw someone standing before the window, “Excuse me, Doc? I need some...” She passed out even before she could finish her sentence.

 

 

 

“Wow the timing was indeed accurate, the drug I used will make the person unconscious after 2 hours once in taking it.” Y/N who was standing near the window scoot down after approaching Rena’s body lying on the cold floor.

 

 

“You better make me enjoy torturing you since I’m going to carry this heavy body of yours.”

 

 

 

<+>

 

 

 

 

Rena woke up to the sound of a circular saw. She was able to open her eyes but her mouth was taped, she can moved but they were limited with chains attached to both or her hands and feet.

 

 

“Good morning Rena.” Y/N greeted her, her face covered with surgical mask.

 

 

Y/N placed the circular saw closer to Rena’s face and Rena screamed but her voice is muffled.

 

“I once dreamed of becoming a doctor. Dissecting and examining a human cadaver. But you see, I wouldn’t enjoy a cadaver since they’re dead. And now, Rena, you will fulfil my dream. I’ll finally get to dissect a human alive. You are a strong person Rena, so I knew that you wouldn’t need anaesthesia. Shall we get started then?”

 

 

 

Y/N ran the circular saw from Rena’s throat down to her belly. Rena’s blood spilled and so does her tears that kept running down due to extreme pain.

 

 

“If I removed your heart first, that would kill you instantly. How about I remove one of your kidneys then? Maybe I should sell it so at least there would be some use. There are a lot of human traffickers that I know.” Y/N made more cuts from Rena’s body until it was painted in red.

 

 

She heedlessly removed her muscled around her chest as blood kept sprouting out throughout the basement. “Your rib cage looks pretty. I heard that a broken bone hurts like hell. I’ll try removing your ribs one by one. Where should we start... your true ribs? False ribs? Or floating ribs? This is so much fun!” there’s one thing that only remained throughout Y/N’s dissection of Rena’s body, it’s her smile.

 

 

 

<+>

 

 

 

The next day, as Y/N walk her way to her school, she realized that the cafes are putting up heart designs and anything related to Valentine’s. _‘I almost forgot, it will be Valentine’s Day soon. I should make some chocolate for Seungkwan.’_

 

 

“Y/N!” Y/N didn’t have to turn around to know whom that voice belongs to. Her heart immediately felt warm and the corners of her lips rose to form a beautiful smile.

 

 

“Yes?” She turned to Seungkwan who’s smiling as well, “Oh, Seungkwan. You look better today. You should smile more often, you look more handsome that way.”

 

 

Seungkwan’s ears went red from embarrassment “A.ah... of course. What’s your first class?”

 

 

“My first class is at 9am, Chemistry. But I have to meet Seokmin at the library to teach him since he’ll have an exam at 8:30. You should come too.”

 

 

“Can I really?”

 

 

“Of course, I like it better when I’m with you. Let’s go.”

 

 

 

_‘It’s your presence after all... that calms the storm in me. Or maybe not just a storm... but a monster.’_

 

 

 

<+>

 

 

“And the next one is...” Y/N was scanning the list of ingredients she wrote down in a small piece of paper but suddenly, someone took it away. Y/N hid her annoyance when she saw that it was Mingyu.

 

 

“The next one is flour. It’s at the third shelf, should I get it for you? You’re making chocolate? For who? Will you make me some too?” Y/N took back the paper from Mingyu’s hands.

 

 

“So that will be... no thanks, yes, I’m not telling you and NO.”  

 

 

“I know how to make them. And I’m actually good at it. At the club, I’m the best cook.” Y/N can’t help but hesitate because she hasn’t tried making chocolates before.

 

 

And it wouldn’t hurt her to have some help, “Sure. As long as it won’t mess anything up.”

 

 

Her only problem was Rena who’s staying at her basement. But as long as she kept quiet it won’t be a problem for her.

 

 


End file.
